There are certain things that you can’t say to your girlfriend. Every self respecting man with two brain cells and fear for grievous bodily harm knows to never ever go to the “did you gain weight” line for example. Your fishing buddy though, he’s the man and to him you can say anything, almost. If you ask him if he gained weight, he’ll probably respond with… YES. And that would be it. No punching, no screaming, no burning of your favorite shirts and no reminding, years later, about “the day you called me a whale”.
Point is, you sometimes have to tread carefully with your mouth so to speak around your girlfriend. You don’t wanna me burning those bridges before you have crossed them. You know what they say… Happy wife, happy life! Or in this case happy girlfriend, healthy boyfriend.
Here’s a few random things you can say to your fishing buddy, but not your girlfriend.
Let’s go fishing! – Especially not when Sewende Laan is on.
Fcuk Masterchef’s finale, the fish are biting at the moment – Oh NO!
The fish are more finicky than my previous girlfriend – Even I know not to discuss the Ex ever
Hold my rod I need to light a smoke – Men can’t multi task
Can I bum a fag – When you want to “borrow” a cigarette. Actually don’t even say this to you’re best fishing buddy. He might think you’re one of the boys!
Hold my rod I need to pee – Nope
Let’s watch the fishing channel – Only when you did the dishes and made the food and did the laundry and ironed the… Ah, who am I fooling, it ain’t happening.
Hold my rod I have a number 2 – That frowned upon
Let’s pump in the mud – Wait what? (When looking for mud prawns)
I love Shimano – Shimano sounds like the name of a sexy french exotic dancer and no classy lady like strippers. Don’t worry Penn won’t get an reaction. No women would imagine their guy stuffing $1 notes down someones G string with the name Penn.
Can you do the Bimini Twist? – Sounds like something out of the Kamasutra
Bite cocksucker Bite! – This is actually more directed towards the fish itself, but your blond girlfriend might leave your with a scar or two.
Your clam should always be fresh- Nothing beats fresh bait (and nothing burns like a bitch slap)
Please pick me up a copy of Stywe Lyne – She’ll probably phone you from Adult World with “They’re all sold out”
Can I hold your rod… and definitely not “It’s quite stiff hey” – This is only allowed in Thailand and Seapoint.
You need to regularly lube you’re equipment to protect it from rust – All reels needs a good lube now and again
You need to regularly lube you’re equipment, otherwise it will make squeaky noises – Nobody likes a squeaking reel
Did you know Kurt Darren also fishes – Apparently he also sings
Buy the best stuff you can afford, “somme” through it on the credit card – True, buying cheap is buying expensive, but this might cause her to make you buy the best GHD money can buy!
When you feel a nibble, strike hard – Ouch
Keep quiet until the line is in, don’t even fart – I have no comments (that one just came up by itself)
There’s nothing I love more than fishing – Never ever say this, although you know it’s true.
Hold my beer I need to check/wiggle/stroke/change my rod – Sorry you’re on your own.
Nothing wants to bite on the wonder worm – You might get a comment like “I wonder where it is, you cant bite what you cant see”.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea – You will end up all alone, on your own (with plenty of fishing time)
That Striper was a keeper – She will hear Stripper
Put back the Large Mouth and lets keep the Small Mouth – This will probably result in a blood mouth
I’m sticking only two fingers in, you don’t know if it bites – When removing the hook
Hold my rod I need to take a nap – WAP, is the sound her fist will make on your jaw
I’ve been in tight spots before but this is much more relaxed – When moving to a better seat on the boat
I played with it for two hours before I could get it in – When describing your catch of a lifetime
Do you have the crabs? – Dangerous ground
You smell fishy – O djirre
My wife loves fishing – that’s an suicide attempt!!!
Well there you go, that’s all from me. I now have to go and explain to the wife what I meant when I said “I’m quickly going to go and shake hands with the jobless…”
Feel free to add some more in the comments!